October 1st.

Today is October first.  It feels like fall… I LOVE FALL.  I am emotionally drained and I know it is only going to get worse as this month goes on.

I am torn between filling our days and enjoying every.single. moment.  because I know from that the next time I turn the page on our calendar our  life as we know it is over.  Good or bad… it will be changed. 

No matter what this admission brings for Katy… it is a HUGE change.

Katy will miss Preschool, Dance, play dates, trips to Target, snuggling in mommy & daddy’s bed, spending time with family, her brother.

Patrick will spend 3 days a week in daycare ( he did a 1/2 day on Friday and LOVED It) The rest of the time he will be passed back and fourth to family and friends.  He will spend more time then he should at a hospital visiting his sister.  He will most likely miss out on a lot of things himself. 

Mike & I will muddle through with the support of our family, friends and perfect strangers… and try to keep our home and life outside of children’s afloat… never mind our marriage.  Did you know that couples with sick children our 85 % more likely to divorce than those with out.  SCARY odds… that I know we will beat.

Then of course is the reason for this admission.  I see 3 possible outcomes.

1. We are admitted bumped up to a 1A status and Katy gets her heart within 6 weeks, and we embark on the next part of this journey.

2. The plan works and Katy starts to gain weight and we continue to wait in the hospital or home.  Where we wait at this point is unknown.  We won’t know until we know if this plan works.

3.  The plan fails… Katy does not gain weight and we turned her world upside down for 6 weeks for NOTHING.  We go home and continue to wait.

Regardless of what way it goes… it is happening.  And, I need to find a way to cope.