Saturday, May 29, 2010

Matter Of Fact

I wonder when it happend…I wonder where I went from losing it every time I uttered the words “significant heart defect” to just saying it as a matter of fact.

Mike and I were chatting with Kate’s cardiologist and we were calculating how long ago we met him. Dr. Marx has been a part of our life for almost three years. We met when I was 18 weeks pregnant with Kathryn.

Oh, what a scary time that was. I remember the day we learned of her special heart, I was so excited to be going to have our “big” ultrasound, hoping for some great profile shots and most of all finding out if our little miracle baby was a girl or boy. (All the while secretly hoping for a girl) Our lives were FOREVER changed that day… I aged about 10 years in 10 minutes.

We saw Dr. Marx quite a bit throughout the rest of my pregnancy, he was always kind, honest, understanding and positive.

I remember having to tell our family, friends and co workers. “No, we didn’t get to find out if Baby Murphy is a boy or girl, but we do know that there is something significantly wrong with his/her heart.” I couldn’t talk about Kate’s heart without crying, sometimes I still can’t.

But, somewhere a long the way I accepted it… I chose to embrace it. There was nothing I could/can do to change Kate’s cardiac status. What I can do, is live life and try not to dwell on Kate’s defected special heart.

I do wonder when the first time was that I was able to talk about Kate’s heart and not get upset. It doesn’t really matter, I’m glad I made it to this point.


Nicole said...

you are one strong mama! Kate couldn't have gotten a better one.

Kristin said...

Thank you, I just stumbled upon your blog and read your post about your daughters heart. My son is one and also has a special heart and it feels good to know that sometime in the future, it will get easier to talk about. Again, thank you!