Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Remembering When I Was a Perfect Parent…

you know back before I had kids.

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Back when I said my babies would never…

have a binky

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have sugar

watch TV before the age of 2 and even once they were two screen time would be limited

sleep in my bed

eat Fast Food/processed food

play with toy weapons

well funny thing is now that I am a parent.  I now know there is no such thing as a perfect mother.  To all you mama’s that I JUDGED harshly and often ( I was a preschool teacher and I knew EVERYTHING)  I am sorry I judged you.  Being a great teacher doesn’t necessarily mean you will be a great mommy. 

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When Katy was born she wasn’t allowed to nurse for the 1st 5 days of life…  nothing by mouth.  So she has the need to suck and I was so thankful for the invention of the binky so  had something to do to try and comfort my helpless baby when all she wanted to do was suckle.  She then became so attached to  those neon green pieces of rubber have gotten us all through some difficult times.

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Last year we made a deal with Katy.  We told her once she got her heart transplant, we would send the binkies to the other kids that needed them.  I made that deal thinking that surely she would have received her new heart by now and this would all be behind us.  Well the heart is taking a bit longer than we expected and now we have a 4 year old still has a damn binky, and the buck teeth to match.

So last night I told Katy if I see that binky one more time and you are not in bed… I am taking ALL the binkies and the there will be no more binkies.  Well don’t you know 5 minutes later there she was doing her best Maggie Simpson impression.

There was no reasoning, there was no lets talk about this, there was no making a good choice.  This MAMA LOST her shit.  I ripped the binky out of her hand and took my scissors and sniped the tip off.  (Relax there are a 101 more binkies where that came from).

Well, my feisty girl then went on to completely loose her shit… screaming,running from one end of the house to the other end, slamming doors along the way.  The feisty that I am so proud of that I believe has gotten her this far in life was now being used against me.  As she was grasping for breath (not really, grasping but you know what you do when you cry to much) and yelling, but mama you said I could have my binkies until my heart transplant.

By this point I am in a puddle of tears ( my own) and I am feeling weak and I am feeling like I am ripping the only comfort that my girl knows.  She doesn’t have a blanket or favorite stuffed animal she loves her binks. Why am I doing this? Am I doing it so I don’t get judged for a walking talking  binky sucking 4 year old?  Or because I know the oral surgeon is going to be all over me? To be honest, I think it was a combination of those and a few other things.

Well I had choice to make, I could be a hard ass and take all the binkies and we would all have a few sleepless nights, or I can go back to what has worked so well for us these past 4 years and hug it out, talk rationally and come up with a plan we can all be happy with.

I consulted the experts, you know my mama friends on Facebook.  I had a wide variety of responses from various mamas, there were heart mamas, new mamas, nurse mamas, veteran mamas and the consensus was let her have the damn binky. She has enough to deal with.  We have bigger battles to fight, etc. etc. Basically told me everything I already knew and needed to hear.

So we sat down with Katy and told her she could have her binkies in bed. If they come down stairs mama is going to snip the tip! 

She was good with that plan, even showed me her shy smile, or maybe that was a victory smile.

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2 comments:

Anne Marie said...

I think you did the right things. Like you I had all these preconseved notions of what i was and was not going to do. Well that went out the window before we were home a day.

To give up her binkie's now is to much but there has to be rules with them. We always did after they turned 1 1/2 that the pacifiers had to stay in the crib and could only be used at nap and bed time. There were times we altered that especially when they were sick, but for the most part we stuck to our guns that it had to stay in bed. One of mine would sneak it so I removed them from bed and kept them put up until nap/bed time when she got them back. This way she could not get to them and she was not tempted to bring them downstairs and use them when she was not suppose to. Both my girls gave them up when they were 4 ish.

My son who is 5 did not take to the pacifier he took to his thumb. I have been told repeatedly that he needs to stop it because it is effecting his jaw, 3 years later he still at it. I can't chop his thumb off can I, so I figure when he starts school next year he will cut back and with any hope stop all together. If not when he gets the hardware to fix his jaw they will put the pocky things on it that will stick his thumb if he tried to suck it.

HUGS to you both.

Dirt Road Quilter said...

Oh sweet Girl! You are the perfect Mama for those 2 precious babies. We would all be lying if we said that we didn't have those 'moments'. You know that you are abundantly blessed by your children each and every day, but remember that they too are blessed to have you!