Friday, April 30, 2010

New Day

Yesterday, was a hard day. But today is a going to be a good day! Yesterday we were told some news that we always kind of half expect, but always hope and pray we don’t. It’s not as if I was blind sided as I have been before, but even with some expectancy it was still a blow.

I spent yesterday, napping, moping, crying, hugging my rock AKA Mike. I didn’t take any calls. Mike called everyone that needed calling. I cuddled Katy way past her bed time…and it made my heart happy.

Now that I have had even more time to reflect and an almost good night sleep. I realize not much has changed. Kate has a heart condition, a pretty significant, rare heart condition. It is not presenting as it should…we are already on borrowed time. (I’m just looking for a lifetime loan of borrowed time) Yesterday, I realized that, that may not happen.

But for today…Nothing has really changed. We are still in the wait and see mode. I hate the wait and see mode…Its such a hard place to be. I like a plan and with Kate and her special heart there is no plan. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s not as if Kate is fighting for her life, trapped inside Children’s Hospital. She is here…laughing, running, kissing and hugging! Did I mention smiling…because my oh my her smile can light up a room! Even on my darkest scariest days!!!

So we go back to living our life, loving our girl, adoring our son and keeping each other sane. For me and Kate that means SHOPPING!! That girl loves to shop! We are going to run to Target since Kate claims it as her favorite store…(mine too) than its home to reorganize the pantry.

Because that is what we do…we live our day to the fullest.

I’m pissed at myself that I let myself waste yesterday mopping and crying and in bed. I could have been reading books, coloring and blowing bubbles.

Well no sense dwelling on that.

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