Monday, August 23, 2010

You know what’s worse than Clinic Weeks?!

Weeks that end with a surgery date for Friday.  A surgery I have resisted for some time.  A surgery that I am still not 100% convinced is what is best for Katy Girl.  I have been vetoed…and now we will try this.  I should rephrase that, I wasn’t Vetoed… but I have seen a decrease in her intake and that scares me.  So the next logical step is to try the G tube.  I just wish in order to do that didn’t mean a surgery.  Surgery is always risky, even to people in perfect health.  Surgery for Katy is risky given her cardiac status and her low weight….ugg its a balancing act. 

So this Friday Mike and I will pass off our son…( happy that he is staying with Auntie Krissie, and I know he is well taken care off and treated like a prince while he is there)  We will then drive in to Children’s…with our sweetest first born,our only princess girl, who makes our lives worth living.  With our van loaded with her favorite toys, and blanket, THE PRIZE BOX, Donations for Children’s (Thanks to all the Scrapshare Ladies that sent supplies) and settle in to our new home for hopefully no longer than 3 days. 

I will watch my daughter get poked and prodded and then she will get silly once she gets her silly meds.  Mike and I will kiss her good bye, pass her on to the kind nurse who although is kind and tries to be understanding.  She doesn’t understand… more likely than not she has never had to pass her baby off to strangers, begging them to stroke her hair and sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star because its her favorite, and can usually calm her down.

Finally, Mike will be able to pull me away,long enough for them to whisk her away, and I will stumble to the waiting room, with the huge cloud lingering over me, reminding me that, that may have been the last time I say goodbye to her.

It’s horrible, and it sometimes feels unfair.  But I wouldn’t change it for the world.  Katy is our shining star.  She makes all of our days great, even the hard days. 

 

PS I know you are all waiting to hear and see pictures from our fabulous family vacation.  They are coming.  Its just hard to do it justice, when my heart is so heavy this week!

3 comments:

Kerry Leary said...

Amiee,

I'm always thinking about you guys and I definitely know what you're going through and how you feel. Every time Molly had an open heart surgery it killed me when they wheeled her away while she was staring at me like "mommy, why are you so sad?".

I'm not going to say anything that you're probably sick of hearing like "she's in the best place" or "this is for the best". Cry if you want to, scream if you need to. You deserve it and you're right. The nurses can try to understand all that they want but until anyone is in the position that we're in, they can't even begin to understand.

I am working on Friday but I'll be at the hospital around 4:30pm. I know you're going to want to be with Katy but if you need to get away at all while you're in there just know I'm ALWAYS in 8S, bedspace 5, if you want to get away for a bit.

Good luck!

Karin said...

Oh Aimee - know that my daily prayers will continue and we'll be praying extra hard on Friday. I can't imagine how difficult every day is, but I want to thank you for taking the time to keep us in the loop. God has placed you and Katy on my heart and we're keeping you close in prayer.

Anonymous said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you guys. Erin, James, Meabh and Aoife